Class 11 English 2024 Edition www.tntextbooks.in · Section 176

So you will understand, I trust, when I tell you how much I ache to be suave. I would love, just once in my life, to rise from a dinner table without looking as if I have just experienced an extremely localised seismic event, get in a car and close the door without leaving inches of coat outside, wear light- coloured trousers without discovering at the end of the day that I have at various times sat on chewing gum, ice cream, cough syrup and motor oil. But it is not to be. Now on planes when the food is delivered, my wife says: “Take the lids off the food for Daddy” or “Put your hoods up, children. Daddy’s about to cut his meat.” Of course, this is only when I am flying with my family. When I am on my own, I don’t eat, drink or lean over to tie my shoelaces, and never put a pen anywhere near my mouth. I just sit very, very quietly, sometimes on my hands to keep them from flying out unexpectedly and causing liquid mischief. It’s not much fun, but it does at least cut down on the laundry bills. I never did get my frequent flyer miles, by the way. I never do. I couldn’t find the card in time. This has become a real frustration for me. Everyone I know — everyone — is for ever flying off to Bali first class with their air miles. I never get to collect anything. I must fly , miles a year, yet I have accumulated only about air miles divided between twenty-three airlines. This is because either I forget to ask for the air miles when I check in, or I remember to ask for them but the airline then manages not to record them, or the check-in clerk informs me that I am not entitled to them. In January, on a flight to Australia — a flight for which I was going to get about a zillion air miles — the clerk shook her head when I presented my card and told me I was not entitled to any. “Why?” “The ticket is in the name of B. Bryson and the card is in the name of W. Bryson.” I explained to her the close and venerable relationship between *Bill and William, but she wouldn’t have it. So I didn’t get my air miles, and I won’t be flying to Bali first class just yet. Perhaps just as well, really. I could never go that long without eating. alley – a narrow passage-way between or behind buildings en famille – (French) as a family yanked – pulled with a jerk consternation – worry extravagantly – excessively cascade – waterfall concourse – the open central area in a large public building (here ‘airport’) disgorging – discharging Glossary -A-Prose-The Accidental - - :